I’ve dealt with a lot of forgiveness issues from my past and present as I’m sure many you have. Whether I am having trouble forgiving myself, a stranger or someone close to me one thing remains the same. I am a prisoner of my own lack of forgiveness. As some of you following my blog may know I’ve had a few marital problems and they mostly stem from lack of forgiveness. I can also safely say I haven’t taken a lot of responsibility for my part in what I like to refer to as what seemed to be a smorgasbord of problems between the two of us.
Through my ongoing study of God’s word, other blogs involving Christian wives and their roles, for example “Unveiled Wife” which I definitely recommend, and related articles I have realized something. What looked to be the downfall of my marriage actually is turning out to be what is saving not only my marriage itself but restoring a very broken relationship my husband and I had with our Savior!
Let me explain. When my husband and I entered our marriage we were completely oblivious to the roles our Father had set forth for us thousands of years ago. Needless to say we were trying to build our foundation on sand and it was not long before we began to crumble. We were sliding down that very slippery path of destruction that leads to the dead end of marriage called divorce. I lost almost all hope and in my mind there was no going back. I had held on to so much hurt and score keeping that I didn’t know which way was up. Yet there on my path lied such a battle of conflict.
On my path there were all these voices telling me that I didn’t deserve this pain, I was an independent woman, and that I was still young so I could move on easily. Voices telling me that if I forgave for whatever wrongdoing that I felt had been done against me then I was somehow admitting defeat. My anger was consuming me. I was letting this anger control me so that I wouldn’t forgive. I didn’t want to forgive. I had a choice to make. I finally started asking for God to softened my heart because I knew my heart had grew so cold.
All these confusing voices in my head were not coming from the Lord. God is not the author of confusion and we need to let that sink in our brains and let God take over. As my Pastor said best, “Our newness in Christ should begin and take place in our homes first!”
So I prayed and prayed and God gave me an entirely new path. This path is paved with beautiful, unconditional, forgiving love that only God himself can show us. I had been holding on to grudges yet rejoicing in all the forgiveness my Lord could give me the instant I accepted HIM as my Lord and Savior.
I had been told by many to pray for the ones who hurt me as well as myself. So I prayed. I prayed for his heart and I prayed for my heart and I strived for sincerity. It did not happen in my timing but in HIS timing I finally saw hope entering back into my mind and heart.
Slowly my anger melted away like snow melting off the sun kissed pedals of a flower on the first day of Spring. God loves marriage. He does not want to see his children divorcing. Where there is a will, there is a way and if you don’t have that will pray for the Lord to restore that will in you. I am here telling you that I’ve seen the brink of divorce but it doesn’t have to end there!
Do you remember when you were on fire for the Lord? You went shouting on every mountain top that you love Jesus and you’re not ashamed to tell it to anyone willing to hear you. Then maybe after a few months or years your fire starts to dwindle down. You may still go to Church but you just don’t witness like you use to or feel the Holy Spirit every time you pray. Same things happen to people who are married. The love is new and exciting in the beginning but may become comfortable or casual after a while.
If that sounds like you then I encourage you to re-evaluate your relationship with your savior and see what you can do to improve your servant’s heart for the Lord every day. We should strive to implement this intentional behavior in our marriages as well. If we cannot stay committed to someone we can touch, feel, see and love physically as well as benefit from physically than how is the Lord to trust that we can stay committed to our relationship with him? This is why I believe the Lord holds marriage so close to HIS heart.
Pray daily my friends and seek Christian counseling from older married members of your church, your pastor, and most importantly your bible! React in love, patience and forgiveness. If you or your spouse are full of anger look to your Word. Do what the word asks and pray every day for God to guide you through. Remember faith as small as a mustard can move mountains! My husband and I are moving our mountain together by the grace of God. You can too!
4rm Partygirl to Praying Woman
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. ~Ephesians 4:32