As stated in my “About” post my childhood was needless to say very rocky. With my mother batteling her demons along with trying to raise two daughters, we moved from home to home and stepdad to stepdad. Now they weren’t all bad memories. When my mother was stable in her mindset and off of the drugs she was the best mother a child could ask for and had the biggest heart. She would give her last dollar so that someone else would not go withoout. Those are the memories I intend to hold near and dear to my heart but we cannot forget the mistakes of the past for they make us who we are today.
Later in my young adult life my mother was still batteling everything forementioned and sadly to say bouncing from relative’s home to relative’s home. By the age of 22 I had decided it would be best for her to come stay with me. I have many regrets in my life and painful mistakes that I am just now learning to forgive myself for. One of these mistakes was being too involved in my own world of parties, clubs and drinking to realize my mother was swirling right back into depression. The telltale signs were there but I was blind and naive. The hardest thing I have ever had to do was kick out my own mother who had turned back to drugs while staying in my home. I could not stand for it. 22 years later I refused to be her handicap. Little did I know the next time I saw her she would be dying.
I get a call from an unknown number and it is my mother pleading for me to pick her up and take her to the hospital because the people she had paid all her disablility money to for that month knew she was dying and did not want her there! After everything was said and done this was still my mother. I rushed to her side and took her to St. Joseph’s Hospital where the Dr. proceeded to tell me she only had a month to live and there was nothing he could do. She died two days later, in my bedroom all alone. When I tell you all time stopped, it literally did. I had family all spread out. My brother in El Paso, my sister in Florida and my father in Puerto Rico.
Your Testimony Could Save Help A Soul…
Here I was 22, alone and on top of my mother’s lifeless body for 4 hours straight! Screaming, crying, pleading to God for just one more day! Those longest 4 hours of my life felt as if it were 4 minutes! Never had I ever felt pain in that way. My mother was in heaven in no more pain which I NOW thank God for everyday!
You know that saying when it rains it pours? Well I went through a tropical hurricane of events. Within the same month as my mother’s passing I was robbed of everything I had worked so hard for by the one person I let stay with me. We had worked together and she lost her sister a few months prior and I knew she could not be alone in this time. So I trusted her, or thought I could at least. I’m not friends with this person anymore but I forgive her now for what she did to me in my most vulnerable time. I am not here to judge anyone because I have made my fair share of mistakes and I have too wronged people.I also got fired from a waitressing position, my car broke down and was towed away with out anyway of getting it back. Since I had no job, no money, no possesions I too lost my apartment where I saw my mother take her last breathe.
I had nothing. Nothing but a brother and father who cared enough about me to take me in but that’s a post for another day.The reason I am so forthgiving with my story is because I know we all hit rock bottom in one way or another. I turned to more drinking and more parties because I had no idea how else to handle this pain. I wanted to be blame the world and at the time had no idea what I believed in. A couple years later I meet my husband, we get married and rock bottom gets a 2nd visit from me.
God saved me, my marriage ,(<<< read more about how faith saved my marriage) and my family. Now I have a loving husband, like minded people around me that I love dearly and a 9 month old daughter that depends on me to be a strong example of a Godly woman along with my renewed faith in the lord. This is my journey to share to all women after God’s heart. The path will not always be wrapped in a neat lil red bow but with God by our sides there is nothing to fear!
If you have not already accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior then please do NOT wait another second. He wants you to come as you are and become a new creation in HIM. God’s love and salvation is waiting to give you the gift of saving grace through HIS son Jesus Christ. I pray for each and every one of you be lifted in His almight name, Amen.
4rm Partygirl to Praying woman